So, i’m currently watching “orange is the new black” and it’s basically a story full of lesbians. They keep pointing out on the fact that lesbian sex is good and that many straight girls do it and get more orgasms with girls than with boys. And i don’t know it’s starting to intrigue me. I never had an orgasm with a guy (even those who have experience), so what if a girl could give me one? I really want to try it, just to see what it’s like. I don’t think i’m bisexual, just curious. I don’t know if it’s a bad thing, but i really feel like trying it.
19
I think we can say that my 19th birthday was the best one i’ve ever had. Not because it was the most ‘spectacular’ one but because it’s the one who made me realize that i have true friends who care about me and who would do so much efforts just to make me smile. It also made me look at my life and realize that i’ve achieved so much and that in a year i became the girl i always wanted to be. I’m pretty, smart, funny, loyal, and most of all i’m not ashamed to give myself compliments because now i know that i deserve every single one of them. I was lost for a very long time and university helped me to find myself and accept who i am even though i won’t please everyone. So i’m looking forward to my 19th year on this planet, because so much unpredictable things can happen. Moreover it will be my last ‘teen’ year and i plan on making it unforgettable because i still have so much things to go through before i make my entry in the adult world.
“The only way to get over someone is to get under someone else”
With time and experience I learned that the only way to forget about someone who had a place in your heart is to fill it with something else. It doesn’t have to be a guy or a girl, but it can be with new memories. The more you will live and experience new things the more you will forget the old ones, sadly. Of course some memories can’t be forgotten. It’s like the childhood memories; you will only remember the ones worth remembering and won’t really dig them up until the subject is brought.
It’s been a while
Hello everyone! I don’t know why i felt this sudden urge to write my feelings tonight, it’s been a while. Since the last time i wrote something changed in me; I started taking decisions with my head instead of my heart. It may sounds cliche i know but it’s true. And this changed my perception on everything. When you take decisions with your head you think about your happiness before other’s. I never did that before, it was always the ones that i love over me. So now i’m just falling in love with life because it’s the most beautiful gift we were given. And I’m enjoying it to the max because it would be stupid to waste time on stupid problems and people who don’t know what they want.
I’m spending my time reading books, watching movies, tanning, drawing, going out with friends and blogging. It’s really helping me to learn new things about me. For once in my life I’m not thinking about me with a guy, it’s just about me now.
You suck at love
For a month now, ive been talking to a guy. I had like a real crush on him. And 3 days ago we went out and kissed. It was magic. But since then i feel like hes changed. He randomly stopped talking to me on the phone (we used to talk ALL the time) and he’s acting weird in class (he’s in my class).
“I’m tired of waiting for you to make up your mind. Isn’t it simple? You told me i’m pretty and cute. That i’m not like the other girls. Was it all lies just to get a kiss? It would be so pathetic of you. I hate the way i got attached so quickly to your voice, your laugh, our late night conversations, you. And now that you stopped talking i keep wondering if what we had was true or if it was just a game for you. Anyway i’m sad to see you go so easily but i won’t blame it on myself. You’re the stupid guy who just missed out. I should stop trusting so easily, but when i really like someone it gets so hard not to have emotions.”
Overdose?
Hello!! I know its been a while but life was boring lately. I hate it when i’m in those kind of periods: monotony. I try to think positive and get excited about things. But i really need something new in my life, a new sensation, something i’ve never felt, seen, heard or tasted. Anyway, i’ve realized that my thoughts are slowly taking all my energy and transforming it in negative vibes, so i decided to start searching for a job. Something that will occupy me so i wont think too much about my boring life. And btw, its going well with my crush, but i don’t know, i’m not that attracted to him anymore, its like i’m forcing myself to be because i need a distraction. I guess i’ll figure it out. In addition to all that my diet is taking my energy and i really want to stop it, but i won’t because summer is coming and i want to be (for once) that girl with a beautiful body at the beach.
Fear
I’m having a really hard time lately. I don’t know why i can’t escape on my cloud anymore. Its like it became concrete and i cant push away this fact who’s haunting me: It’s going to end. It hurts as hell to watch her everyday, fighting for her life, but knowing that it’s almost over. She’s like a flower decomposing. So beautiful but dying. The thought of life without her is unbearable, it breaks every tiny part in my heart. I lover her, i don’t want her to leave me. But all i can do is watch the disease take over her body. How am i gonna live without you mom? I know its not up to you, but please stay with me, i need you.
Waiting
Is it wrong to wait for love? I know it’s supposed to come when i’m not expecting it and all that shit, but the more movies i watch the more i feel the need to be loved. It’s hard to wait for something that might never happen, but it’s harder to give up on that hope when it’s all you need for your life to be perfect. Anyway i’m going to try and distract myself with a guy who is really hot, i think he’s gonna be my next friend with benefits. And i hope that this time sex will not trigger emotions like the last time. But i don’t think it will, i’m more mature now and i know it’s not (always) an act of love, but more of an act of pleasure and desire.
Over thinking, again
There is pain in my body. Not a physical one, it’s more of a pain in my soul. It hurts because i feel lost in this huge world who looked so cute and easy to understand 1 year ago, but now it feels like an unsafe place to be. I’m not saying that i want to die or something, but it gets so scary sometimes. When i’m alone my imagination gets crazy and i start to see things. I feel like there is so much things present in our daily life that no one seems to notice. I’m scared of what i don’t know, and in a way i don’t want to know the truth but let me suppose; what if, when we’re asleep spirits of dead people can get in our head and communicate with us using characters in our dreams? What if, someone is sitting right next to you right now, reading this over your shoulder? What if, everyone who discovered a ghost got possessed by it and that’s why some people suddenly go crazy and suicidal? What if, there is a reason we were all afraid of looking under our beds when we were young? Too many questions. It’s so frustrating to think. The world is so big and everything we discovered in it is scientific things. But there is like a shade hiding the truth that nobody wants to take off, where do they go all those souls of dead bodies? No, they don’t decompose with the rest of the human body that’s for sure. I just want to go sleep in my parents bed, its warm and cosy. I’ll sleep between them, just like the old days.
Bucket-list for my life
1- See the Eiffel Tower
2- Travel to Japan
3- Be movie wise
4- Kiss under the rain
5- Run a marathon
6- Learn how to bartend
7- Learn a defensive sport
8- Swim with dolphins
9- Visit London
10- Go to Disney World
11- Find true love
12- Help in a charity event
13- Bake in the middle of the night with someone i love
14- Camping trip
15- Go on a safari
16- Make an adventure book
17- Put a lock on the love bridge
18- Drink from a coconut on the beach
19- Get my cloud tattoo
20- Film a short movie that i wrote
21- Try every ice cream flavor existing
22- Ride an elephant
23- Go hiking in a challenging place
24- Make a wish at the Trevi fountain in Rome
25- Kiss on the top of a ferris wheel
26- Learn how to skate
27- Dance with my dad at my wedding
28- Give someone a make over
29- Breathe fire
30- Visit a chocolate factory
31- Travel somewhere crazy with my boyfriend (India, Alaska,..)
32- Swim in an infinity pool
Most of those things are really hard to complete but i’ll have fun trying, and after all i have so much time in front of me. I’ll keep updating this post.
Overdose of Feelings 